Eric Cartman vs Light Yagami
Eric Cartman vs Light Yagami is a Death Battle by The Sayain Jedi Description SOUTH PARK VS DEATH NOTE! It's time to have the most evil child and the most evil teenager fight to the Death in a DEATH BATTLE!!! Intro Sean: Ah The Teenage and Childhood years are the best years of our lives you play,hang out with friends,and you kill a bunch of people... hey that last one doesn't sound right. Jack: Well for these two, it's perfectly normal to go around killing people with no remorse. Frank: '''Crazy fuckin' kids... I tell ya, this generation is the worst. '''Sean: '''Uhh, well. Light Yagami, the brightest student of Daikoku Private Academy '''Jack: And Eric Cartman the most evil child in South Park! Frank: '''So now we're making a child and a teen with no remorse fight each other to the death... seriously what is wrong with us? '''Sean: '''WHO WILL WIN A DEATH BATTLE!!! Eric '''Sean: Eric Cartman is a resident citizen of South Park, often bullying, and abusing the people to get what he wants Jack: '''Because of him being so spoiled by his Crack Whore Mother! '''Frank: '''Well Eric isn't a normal child by any means as he, hang on let me get the list of evil deeds from Cartman okay..he created an oraganization that exploited Babys that were addicted to crack, Dressed up as Hitler and tried to exterminate the Jews, He spread Hate Speech about Ginger kids, Befriended Cthulu, Gave a Kid AIDS and fed Scott Tenorman his own parents! '''Jack: '''WAIT WHAT! '''Sean: '''You just noticed that now really. '''Frank: '''Cartman is a very strong boy despite his appearance, He Knocked over a planetarium projector just by doing a casual kick. '''Jack: '''He even once overpowered and killed Bilbo Bagins of all people! Also let us not forget that he was able to beat up an adult...a midget adult but...whatever. '''Sean: '''Cartman done loads of other stuff such as he Smashed through a glass window in the pentagon twice, Can lift a large cartoonishly sized mallet and swing it down no problem, One time he also beat Bilbo Baggins to death in three hits, And he once sent another kid flying in just one kick! '''Frank: Cartman despite his obesity is quite fast as he has dodged gun fire and when he is the Coon he can disappear and disappear in other parts of rooms when people aren't looking. Jack: '''Eric is one tough kid as he can survive a satelite the size of a building getting shoved up his ass, He once dropped from an alien ship to the snowy ground below and was totally fine, Got right back up after being bucked and charged down by a large bull, He has survived Plane and Car crashes like they were nothing at all! '''Frank: Cartman survived a rock falling on his head, Survived jumping off a building And he also survived a brutal beatdown by PC Principle, PC Principle once punched through a robot's head! Jack: 'That isn't all Eric has as he has fart powers... '''Sean: '''Don't underestimate Eric's fart powers, Eric can make Fire Farts! Yes you read that one right fire farts, And by farting directly next to some one for long periods of time, Cartman can cause so much fecal matter to build up in their nose. '''Frank: '''Holy Shit that's awesome i want it! '''Jack: '''Well your gonna change your wish after hearing his weapons! '''Frank: '''CAN I DO THIS ONE!? '''Jack: '''Of course '''Frank: '''YES! He has A wooden bat used to violently beat people, A canister that shoots out mace in the form of thick foam, An actual fully functional blaster used in the Star Wars franchise, A standard chainsaw used during a zombie invasion in South Park, A small knife used for back stabbing, A regular flute that Cartman can use to execute "The Brown Noise" Anyone who hears "The Brown Noise" will immediately crap their pants, A Hand Gun, A large cartoony mallet that Cartman can some how lift and swing no problem, A Nightstick Used for when Cartman became a police officer, P.29 Stun Baton, An actual pair of Sai, A Regular Taser, A Taser Gun, A regular stick of dynamite lit by the fuse and finally he has the V-Chip which was installed in the South Park Movie. '''Sean: ' It was originally installed in his head to stop him from swearing, It later began to malfunction after he touched an electric chair. '''Jack: This allows Cartman to shoot electrity at his enemy's, I change my mind i want all of these! Frank: 'Cartman has also got a really good attack called The Belly Barge Which is so strong that it can destroy walls with ease! '''Frank: ' Whoa that so cool Eric must be perfect! '''Sean Well no, Eric is still a child and can easily be over powered up close, Isn't that great at hand to hand combat and can be tricked and be made a fool out of like the time Scott Tenorman sold him his pubes. Jack: 'Still with all these flaws you have to admit he is one badass kid! ''"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Light 'Sean: '''Light Yagami was at first a straight A student with a promising future ahead of him. He got good grades, he was very popular at school, and his parents were proud. But internally, Light was feeling down. He felt that his world was rotten, and horrible. He wanted a change, but he was in no power to do so. '''Jack: '''Then one day a death god or a Shinigami named Ryuk dropped his Death Note into the human world. '''Frank: '''Light saw this and decided to pick it up and give it a little try, This simple try turned into three pages worth of names! Wait why is that impressive. '''Sean: '''Well that's because the Death Note is no simple Note-Pad as when you write a persons name into it while thinking of the persons face they die! '''Frank: '''Oh that makes sense I should have known since a god of death dropped it. '''Jack: '(cough) retard (cough) 'Frank: '''WHAT DID YOU SAY!" '''Sean: '''Back to Light, to test out if this thing works he killed a criminal with a heart attack. After seeing that the book worked, Light realized he was finally given the power he needed to fix his rotten world. Soon, that Ryuk guy came by to introduce himself, and once they both got to know each other, a series of intense and highly complicated events ensued with Light trying to keep his killings a secret. '''Frank: '''And thus the Manga equivalent of Breaking Bad began! '''Jack: '''Despite not fighting a lot Light is actually pretty strong as he claimed he could overpower a full grown woman, and we can assume that to be true considering his intelligence. Light isn't the kind of person to lie about something that may be important to him. '''Sean: '''And he was also capable of flinging L across the room with one blow, so he certainly has some things going for him even if they're not superhuman or anything. '''Frank: '''The boy is a actually pretty fast, well not just on foot but he can think pretty fast in his mind! He can have some very complex thoughts in very short amount of time, such as when he was playing tennis with L and kept thinking about what winning would prove each time the ball would come near him. '''Jack: '''Light is also pretty tough, as he can truck through 4 days with barely any sleep despite taking classes. He can also shrug off blows from L's feet, and as a gag he was able to remain unharmed by rapid blows from Misa. But again, that's like a gag or whatever. But still, he can endure being shot! He actually got shot twice and in the anime he was able to run for a long ass time before scumming to his wounds! '''Frank: '''Now let's start of with his most popular weapon the Death Note! As long as Light has his victims name and face in mind he can kill them through any means that aren't impossible, Also he can write people's actions before death...which is pretty neat! '''Sean: '''Obviously Light doesn't just carry a book that says Death Note, he actually tears out a page and hides them somewhere. '''Jack: '''And then, of course, there's Ryuk. He's the Shinigami who dropped the Death Note in the first place. Ryuk is stuck with Light until he dies or relinquishes ownership of the Death Note, but despite that Ryuk doesn't actually side with Light. He doesn't really side with anyone, he's just a spectator, but as Light's roommate he may have something to say every once and awhile. However despite seeming to be useless, Ryuk has some benefits to being around. '''Frank: '''If Light gives Ryuk apples, he might help, Albeit, Light would have to make it seem as if Ryuk would get no apples otherwise. Also, Ryuk is capable of giving Light what is called the Shimigani eyes. '''Sean: '''These allow Light to see the person's name above his/her head! '''Jack: '''But Light isn't perfect as he is barely impressive physicality, and the limitations of the Death Note which require him to get his victims real name and face '''Frank: '''But I don't know a lot of guys smarter than Light! Still, Ryuk is actually capable of killing Light, and in fact, he plans to do it before anyone else. Also, Light is pretty reliant on... paper. He doesn't really have a real weapon. Even with his massive God Complex Light is still the man who almost created World Piece '''Jack: '''GAY! '''Frank: '''THAT'S IT YOUR FUCKING DEAD! ''"I’m a hardworking honors student who’s considered to be one of Japan’s best and brightest. And I… I will become the god of this new world." Intermission '''Sean: '''Alright the combatants are set it's time to have these two fight to the death! '''Jack: '''Alright this is gonna be difficult to write but hey! '''Frank: '''It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!! Fight It was a strangely quiet night in the snowy town of South Park. Usually there would be some sort of wild guinea pig monster, or a giant mecha monster rampaging through town, but today was just uneventful. Except the fact that Light and his family moved into their new home, Light decided instead of staying in his room he walked out of his house and onto the streets. This went on until Light saw a small fat boy laughing "I made you eat your parents!" to a teen with orange curly hair who was crying his eyes out. Light looked in shock before he grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket, A voice spoke to Light. Nobody else heard the voice except for Light himself, who didn't respond. Above Light however, was actually a large grey creature with spiky black hair and wings. Nobody saw, except for Light. "Jeez that kid is evil!" Ryuk said without changing his expression. Light replied with "Indeed" Ryuk then looked at Light before saying "you know if you had the Shinigami eyes you would be able to kill him!" Light looked in anger before saying "No Ryuk!" The Death God then said "Well whatever then!" Eric finally walked away from the scene after about half an hour, Light saw this and decided to follow after him. '''FIGHT! Light followed after Light after maybe five minutes, Eric noticed Light was behind him so decided to just play along. Light finally caught up with Eric and said "Hello" trying to act friendly, "Oh Hello" Cartman said acting like an innocent little child. Light replied with "So what's your name!" Eric then acted like a child again saying "My name is Dawg the Hall Monitor what's yours?" "Light Yagami!" Light said in a normal voice! "Shit, an alias. I need to get a real name out of him, or someone..." '''Light thought to himself, before saying "See ya later then kid!" Eric looked behind him before saying "Bye" walking away from the scene Light Yagami walked inside his house. Nobody was home, and Light went up his stairs, and to his door. Light noticed his door handle was all the way up. Someone had been in his room. Light came inside his room with cation, Thankfully nobody was in his room as he looked around for that fat kid he was talking to earlier. Light ignored Ryuk's conversation and kept looking around in his room. Light suddenly went into his closet and opened it up revealing Eric who then tackled on Light, Light tried to kick Eric off him but Cartman was surprisingly strong as he kept The Death Note owner down onto the ground as he suddenly grabbed his baseball bat and then slammed Light in the face knocking the poor teenager out cold. Ryuk watched as Eric dragged the knocked out Light out of the bedroom, Ryuk then began laughing his ass off. '''8 HOUR LATER! Light woke up, and he found himself in a small room with a tiny light illuminating Cartman who was staring at him. Light was tied up to a chair with rope, Light tried to get out of this trap as Eric then took out his baseball bat and was ready to slam him in the face with it. "Why were you following me?!" Eric said, Light then said "What do you want kid?" Eric suddenly punched Light in the face stunning him and making him spit up blood, "Let me ask again! Why were you following me KIRA!" Light looked in shock how in gods name did this child know that he was Kira? Light tried to regain his composure as he said "L..look kid you got the wrong guy!" Eric laughed before punching Light in the stomach knocking the wind out of him. Eric then shouted "WHY!" Light couldn't answer the question as he was just in too much pain, Cartman then said "Fine if your not going to talk then i will have to do very drastic measures!" Eric said as he pulled out two jumped cables and prepared to put them on Light's nipples, Light prepared for extreme pain as he closed his eyes. Eric stopped in his tracks as a woman from upstairs said "Hun it's dinnertime!" Eric dropped the jumper cables, and said "Okay Mom!" Eric then placed black tape over Light's mouth and then shoved him into a metal closet, Eric then ran up the stairs and out of the basement door. Ryuk floated into the room from the above room, as he seemed to have been so bored that he wanted to explore the house. He got a look at Light, and it wasn't very pretty. Light's face had many bruises and cuts, with a visible black eye, and some blood in his hair. "Ha maybe you should have answered his question!" Ryuk mocked. Light didn't respond as he then took out a piece of his watch as he used the sharp metal blade to cut the ropes off, Light then ripped the tape right off his mouth. Light then said "Ryuk can you keep an eye out for that kid and when he falls asleep come back to me and tell me" Ryuk nodded his head and then said "Fine but this will be the last time I help you!" 3 HOURS LATER! Ryuk returned to Light and said "He's asleep now!" Light opened the closet door and walked out of it, Yagami searched the basement and walked up the stairs and to the basement door. Light tried to budge the door open but of course it was looked from the outside, Light then ran down the steps and searched around the basement. Light then saw the basement window and smashed it open before crawling out of it and onto the garden, When Light stood up he saw the green house that he was captured for the whole day and then ran away from the scene. Eric awoke the next morning and since it was Saturday he could torture Light for the whole day, suddenly Eric saw that Light was gone! Light ran away from the scene until heard a shotgun going off behind him, He turned around only to see Eric running towards him gun in hand. Eric attempted a shot but Light actually dodged the bullet and then kicked the child in the gut, Light grabbed Eric by his shirt and then began punching the poor kid in the face over and over again. Eric had enough of this beating as he then kicked Kira in the balls making him fall on his knees in pain, Eric pushed Light off him before jumping into the air and punched the poor teen in the face making him fall on his back! Cartman landed before shocking Light with his V-Chip launching him a couple of feet away, The injured Light jumped up from the ground and ran into empty building. Cartman broke into the building and searched for his enemy, Light lied on a box blocking Eric's view of him. Light grabbed his Death Note and began thinking "Maybe I should do that deal with Ryuk, hell i'll be dead anyway!" Light then said "No i'm not doing that!" Light then ran away from the building revealing himself to Eric Cartman, Eric shouted in anger before following after Light out to the the building. Light ran for a couple of minutes until he was shot in the back of the leg making him fall onto the snowy ground right in front of a wood-chipper, Eric walked towards Light with the Death Note in hand. Light looked in shock before realizing that he dropped his Death Note and was stupid enough ti give the fat kid his name! Eric then wrote in the page. "Light Yagami,Suicide, Light jumped into a Wood-Chipper!" Light felt something bad in his body until he stood up and jumped into the Wood-Chipper! Light screamed in pain as the blades were slicing him to bits, until finally all that was left of Light was a pile of bloody mush! Eric then threw the Death Note into the Wood-Chipper! Ryuk watched as Eric walked away and laughed thinking that the great Light Yagami died because of his stupidity! Conclusion '''Frank: '''HOLY SHIT! '''Jack: '''Yeah Light literally stood no chance against Eric, In terms of strength, Cartman obviously had the edge here. I mean, sure, Light was able to fling L around a room with a punch, But Eric was obviously stronger since he was able to kick over a satellite and carry a very large mallet! '''Sean: '''Speed also went to Cartman, Sure Light has faster reactions! Eric was much faster on foot due to being able to disappear and reappear! '''Frank: '''Can you guess who is more durable? Yep Eric was more durable as he was able to survive punches by PC Principal who could punch through an Ad's head, While Light died when he was shot! '''Jack: '''Sure Cartman is more durable, He isn't even close when it comes to pain tolerance, Since Light was able to keep going when getting shot! while when Cartman gets slapped he breaks down crying! '''Sean: '''Sure Light would kill Cartman if he used his Death Note, But the problem is that Eric wouldn't be stupid enough to give his name to Light! oh and his weapons were better! '''Jack: '''So overall Eric was stronger,tougher,faster and had better weapons '''Frank: '''Looks like Light didn't have the guts to Lighten Eric Cartman up! '''Sean: '''The winner is Eric Cartman! Next Time on Death Battle Category:The sayain jedi Category:Death Battles Category:What-If Death Battles